Friday, February 29, 2008

La Paz, Bolivia

An overnight train ride (where we were woken up at 6.30am by a Pan Pipes DVD on full blast) and a bus ride later and we (me and the nice polish couple, Peter and Asie) arrived in the brilliant city of La Paz. The capital city of the poorest country in South America is built in a valley and as you approach the city my breath was taken away and not just due to the altitude (3640m).

Despite being so amazed I was also fairly nervous as I had heard and read of some horror stories of people being robbed, mugged and drugged in this city and so over the three days I wa fairly on my guard. As it turned out, nothing bad happened to me apart from my loperamide wearing off and being out of breath as i walked up and down the cobbled streets.

Some highlighst of my 5 day stay in the city were...

The Witches Market
See here for more information, but walking round and seeing all the llama fetuses was fairly freaky and fascinating. Lots of old boys were sat around with queues of people waiting to have their fortune read. There were also some comedy potions and spells that people could buy and i nearly did buy a love potion (for a friend of course) but the stall owner laughed and told me i didbnt need i ("but it's for a friend!").

The Zebra Crossings
The city was what i expected all of South America to feel like. Chaotic and crazy. The drivers of La Paz didn;t let me down. They were nuts and all you could hear as you walked about were people hanging out of the millions of minivans trying to shout out destinations above the noise of car horns and police whistles. Anyway, on most major roads at most major crossings they employ people to dress up in Zebra Costumes to make sure that the traffic stops and people can cross. It's comedy to watch as they high five pedestrians and chase after and kick cars that don't stop...
some not very good pictures here

Ollivers Travels
Whil not gettig a good right up Lonley Planet i spent a bit of time here. I changed books (palmed off the unread ed mcbain novel kiss and my argentina lonely planet for some South American Fiction), watched some football and rugby, ate some good old fashioned english food (bangers and mash for tea and a full english breakfast a couple of days later) and generally kept any homesickness at bay for a while.

San Pedro Prison
A couple of years back I read a book called Marching Powder about the crazy experiences one brit has during his time inside the San Pedro Prison. Have a little read of the link so you get an idea of what its about....
So having read the book i was curious to see it. Once upon a time the lonely planet was recommending the tours that the aforementioned authour used to run, but even before i found out that they were no longer really possible (due to visitors being robbed and worse) i wasn't really keen to go in. However, we rocked up to have a look at the front gate and a guard passed us a note from the only non latino type - sebastian, a pale and beaten looking dutchman. We called the number on the slip and he told us he was inside for 10 years because they "wouldnt let him take 10kgs of cocaine back to holland". We didn't really chat for long, but he said he was in a bad way and needed some money. We didnt feel too comfortable giving him cash as we didn't want the heavily armed guards to mistake our (perhaps misplaced) sympathy as a transaction for the white powder rumoured to be produced inside. Instead we bought him 3 packs of his favourite smokes (derby reds) and Cassie (an english girl) got him a Toblerone! We handed them across and he looked grateful i think, but i can't really remmeber as it was so surreal looking through the gate at all the prisoners (moving out the way for some wives and children making their way out!) and knowing a bit about what goes on inside....

Death Road
You might have seen the e/mail or pictures about the most dangerous road in the world where trucks fall off as theres only room for one car. Well, it's just outside la paz and i mountain biked down the bugger. It was fairly scary not least because of the thick cloud at the top (4600m) and the wet (especially on the death road proper), but also all the stories you hear of mountain bikers dying. Most of those who have died it turns out have been israeli as many, so i'm told, go for the cheapest firms and ignore all advice so much so that many firms won't take them in groups. I know you shouldn;t laugh, but one corner was called ET corner because one japanese girl flew off over the edge with a 600m drop below and kept on cycling....
Anyway the whole 64km (only 4km uphill) was incredible. once we dropped beneath the clouds the views were some of the best i've sort of seen (i was reluctant to take my eyes off the road too much) and the adrenaline rush of speeding down some fairly dangerous cobbled roads was flippin ace. While two people had a minor crash, no one died and we all got to hang out in the pool at the bottom (1760m) in one peice.

Tiwinaku
Day trip to the oldest and arguably most important ruins of South American Pre Columbian culture was very very interesting and enjoyable. I'll let you read the blurb on the link to get an idea about it. The most intersting theory to come out of the day was that the japanese and chinese and egyptian and indian cultures all seemingly had some influnece and similarities with the Tiwanku lot and there have been some attempts to garner further proof that they could have sailed across the seas on reed boats (i forget the name so no link to the norweigan guy who led it)... instead you can get a link to this Devendra Banhart song which seems kinda apt...


Devendra / Chinese Children

The Great Salt Lake

Despite Jacks efforts I really enjoyed the trip, but the salt on the chips was on day three when we went to the Salar de Uyuni. It was truly mind blowing.

As it was rainy season the great plains were covered in shallow water which caused an incredible mirror effect whereby you couldnt make out the horizon and i was dazzled by it's beauty. My words won't do it justice, but you can have a look at some of these snaps for an idea of how bloody ace it was.

We rode on top of the truck (past loads of people digging up the salt to turn into sculptures for the tourists) to the tacky Salt Hotel which is in the middle of the plain and where the views were spectacular and, when i walked far enough away, there was no noise at all...apart from this songs obvious chorus going through my head...

Band Of Horses / The Great Salt Lake

San Pedro De Atacama to Uyuni, Bolivia with Father Jack.

So, i spent about three days in San Pedro De Atacama with a very dodgy stomach. When i wasn't on the throne i was hanging out with a guy from Barcelona called Agustin and some chilean folk whose names escape me. They spoke very little english so my spanish was tested and despite me not knowing any past or future tense we got along ok and they humoured me by laughing at my jokes.

The only thing that seemed to break the curse of the Incas Revenge were several loperamide tablets, some plain rice and lots of agua. I felt brave enough to take on an excursion and so i signed up for a three day 4x4 tour of southern Bolivia and the Uyuni Salt Flats. In the group were a really nice Polish couple, a dutch couple, two japanese girls who didn't stop giggling, an Argentine girl, an Israeli and two old Polish Men. I drew the short straw and at the Chilean Bolivian border (where i nearly left without my passport) was put in the same van as the two old polish men.

The scenery over the first day was incredible. Lots of amazing lagunas, flamingos and a swim in a thermal pool. All this at over 4000m... i was wheezing like an old man, but thankfully there were no further symptoms of altitude sickness. The last stop of the day was at a Refugio in teh middle nowhere where i was grateful to have taken so many diarrhoea tablets as the non flushing banos looked like they'd had a curry club tour stopping through and no one had cleaned up after them.

This was also where the big fat older Polish man really started to get on everyones nerves. We sat down for lunch and then dinner and both times he took a third of the food which was to feed 11 people. Watching him eat he reminded me both in looks and mannerisms of the "alcholic, lecherous, violent and foul-mouthed elderly priest" Father Jack from Father Ted. He was probably the most selfish, disgusting and rude person I have ever met.

His unpleasant behaviour carried on for the next two days where he would get in the way of photos, eat all the food and snore and fart like a factory in the dorm room to name but a few things. I had a couple of run ins with him when his self centred greed got too much (e.g. when he took all the kosher food at breakfast knowing that Avi was a practicing Jew), but he was unrepentant. However, this brought the rest of the group together and we were never short of material to laugh about or a common thing to gripe at.

On the way back to the drop off point on the final day we stopped back at the Salt Museum as Jack needed the loo. However he refused to pay the 10p or didn't like the look of whole in the ground of a toilet he was ushered to and he got back in the truck with a huff. 10 minutes later the call of nature was too strong and the truck was ordered to stop and he got out. I foolishly turned round to speak to Peter in the back and the image of a very fat and very old nasty polish man crouching down having a poo was burned onto my retina. It was horrible but we all found it funny and were happy that he had his comeuppance I opened the window in the van as soon as he got back in as we were unconfident that he had any toilet paper.

Sadly, however, 15 minutes later he had the last laugh as, with a knowing grin, he shook our hands when we got back to town before any of us could think not too. Thankfully the argentine girl had some strong antiseptic hand wash, but i still took a scouring pad and some bleach into the shower when i got back to the hostel.

Peace out from Peru

Hola Muchachos!

I write this from the dizzying and drizzly heights of Cusco, Peru. I'm very excited to say that in two days my amigo Andy Mac Attac joins me here and we're both gonna attempt the famous Inca Trail upto Machu Picchu before a whistle stop tour of Peru taking in such places as Lima and the Nazca Lines.

I've had a busy couple of weeks since I last blogged on and I shall try and get you upto speed with what I've done since Man Utd thrashed Arsenal in the Cup!

Here are the goals... in Arabic... i think...

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Homage to Patagonia

El Chalten, Freaky Roland and San Pedro De Atacama.

The journey to El Chalten was smashing and i had my first taste of the bumpiness of route 40 ahead of me. We arrived in fine weather and had some great views of what the town is famous fo - the Fitz Roy Range.

The town is the newst in Argentina and was built simply to stop the Chileans getting their hands on the land! The town is sat in a lovely valley, is half built and has a wild west new frontier feel to it.

I stayed in a smashing little hostel - Albergue Patagonia. Where I met, and gammoned, Freaky Roland a strange dutchman with bulging eyes and a talent for saying the wrong thing. (For example - I had dinner one night with Freaky Roland, a French guy and an English fella. When Roland found out that the english guy was a Psychotherapist he asked in a seriously freaky way him if he was worried that his clients had all killed themselves in his 3 week absence). The lovely lady on the dek there also taught me more spanish and, in fact, i managed to hold a 30 minute conversation on Football and Holidays with two lads from Barcelona who spoke nada ingles... which was nice.

So... oh...Utd are playing Arsenal in the cup in a minute and I want to find a pub showing it, so i{ll carry this on in a bit.

Btw & fyi- im in the beautiful and bloody hot San Pedro De Atacama at the moment and spent yesterday afternoon seeing the park round the Valle De La Luna... absolutley stunning. Tomorrow I head on a 3-day mission across the Salt and vinegar Plains of Bolivia...

Perito Moreno Glacier

The glacier at Perito Moreno is blinking amazing. Basically the big blue lump of ice moves a few feet everyday and it is INCREDIBLE to watch and hear chunks the size of Morris Minors fall of the damn thing. To hear it all creak and groan is cool.

Sadly I lost my pictures of it, but have a postcard to remind me of its majesty. There are some good pictures at this site (which name rather overstates its quality)

As is the norm for this trip i bumped into yet another familiar face. This time it was the Italian Pietro. This chap has travelled to every continent on earth and seemingly nearly every country. A nice guy, but seemingly goe sto all these places to tick it off the list rather than...ummm... well rather than to enjoy it, maybe... who knows. Certainly not me... as such i shall get out of this blogging cul-de-sac by pointing behind you and shouting "Badgers. Mating!" and hope you don{t notice me logging off...

Getting to Calafate

Tuesday 18th Dec i was back across the border to Argentina heading to El Calafate home of the PERITO MORENO GLACIER (big glacier - big letters). The journey was pretty nice with the usual jib jab and wild dogs of the border stations. I was sat next to an amiable and intelligent New Zealander and we chatted about world economics and conspiracy theories.

I arrived in Calafate to find that the hostel i had reserved three nights at was very much like an open prison and that the town is fairly grim and set up only for tourists. I bumped into a couple of fellas who continue to plague my trip - a very smug german chap who seems to think his opinion is the only one that counts and an english chap (another one) who has the air and self confidence of a man secure in the knowledge of wealthy parents and the certainty of a very well paid job in the city when he returns to blighty. However, I shouldnt talk them down too much as they have continued to provide me with some good advice. On this occasion it was the best and cheapest way to see the glacier and also to get the hell out of this town and instead move to El Chalten up the road.

So, i booked both sets of tickets and set about having a horibble cheese and vegetable sandwich while watching Man City stun Spurs in the cup.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

To cut a long walk short...

So... yes... Torres Del Paine.

So, Í`ll spare you the step-by-step account and basically tell you that the 4 days i spent in the park were brilliant. It´s probably the most beautiful place i have ever been to and urge anyone and everyone who comes out this way to go there and see it.

The walking was not always easy - especially the scramble up boulders on the last night to see the Torres themselves - however, the pay off is that you feel like you earn the right to enjoy the park and the views are all the more sweeter when you see them. The landscape and topography in the park is incredibly divers n all - from glaciers and craggy ridges to thick forests where you can here the thunder crack of avalanches high above you. There are rivers to cross - not all with bridges and not all with obvious places to plant your feet in the swirling white water. There`s the incredible tranquil beach near refugio Los Cuernos (where i got drunk on Pisco with the chilean lads who worked there) with black and white pebbles (i think theres a photo of it in the flickr thing) where i skimmed stones on the flat water (i may have set a new PB). My favourite view tho was on the penultimate day walking up the ridge to the final valley and looking down and seeing wild horses running and some condors circling over the lush green land below me. Magic.

However, I think i got lucky with the weather. A bit of wind on day one and some rain in the morning on day 3, but the rest was hot and sunny. Which is in stark contrast to some of the "when good times go bad" horror stories i have since heard from a few other folk.

Nevertheless, as i sat, waiting for the bus to take me back to Puerto Natales, under a tree watching some gauchos rustle up some horses with avalanches tumbling down the far off moutain i too felt sad to be leaving.

Hello From Salta.

Hola,

Well, i´ve spent the last week travelling about with a cool swiss girl, Emilie, and, now, after 24 hrs of travelling on three buses from Asunción, Paraguay (not my favourite city), I find myself alone and in Salta, Argentina. A fine looking town. Already I have seen a very old incan mummy of a very young girl - which was incredible. Sadly for this blogger his level of spanish is poor so he couldnt understand all the detailed jib jab on them in the museum. However, it looked interesting and he stroked his beard and smiled thoughtfully (whilst tipping his beret) at the girl on the desk on his way out - about 2 mins after he paid 1o pesos to go in. Anyway - so - i´m behind and im determined to get upto date... First tho:

Trash MC State asked "who is mike and what does he do?" - the answer ye seek can be found over at IMDB with this here link (btw - i saw a trailer for Alien vs Predator 2 the other day and that looked really shoddy too)

Who should I be? Thanks to those who have submitted entries. I shall work on them all and report back as to how i get on. The problem I´m now facing is that nearly every where i go now i bump into someone i recognise (today was Dale the chinese american from California) and so it makes it problematic to take up a new personna when people know me... If my friend Jon Barnes were here im sure he would advocate adopting the alta ego anyway and blaming Francios my evil twin brother (he`ll be in Rio by now)...

Ipod - word has reached me that my ipod is back on british soil. While in Bs As i replaced it with a DAZA MP3 player. I can assure you that mine in no way resembles the one in the picture as is much more basic and cheap plasticy looking. However, a british fella called Ben Hayes took pity on his fellow man who may also have once lived near an enclosure (haeg) or (heye), an area of forest fenced off for hunting and let me pillage his computer for music. It works fine (if a little clunky to move between songs and albums) and I´m happy to have some music back in my life, but you can work through 1gb of music pretty quickly. Worst of all tho i foolishy put the first Keane album on there. I foolishly thought their chubby chopped brand of plinky plonk watered down indie would be soothing for the bus journey, but that naive belief was very quickly dispelled.

Sit through this if you dare:

Monday, February 04, 2008

Very f****** Un-f******-Dude

very un-dude warning - explicit language

Friday, February 01, 2008

RIP Ipod

Well, the i-pod is dead.

They never mentioned the whole sharepod thing so i think I kinda got away with that. What i didn´t get away with, tho, was another Ipod as they claimed it would take 15 days to order. hmmph. I´m gonna phone round the other official apple stockists in Bs As before giving up and sending my fallen comrade back in a pody bag for a proper burial.

I guess a trip to the latin american eqivalent of Argos for a cheap mp3 player is next on my todo list then...

Requiem - M.Ward